Lost in the Mists of Hertfordshire

William* had lost the bet and would be Tibetan till half time


Works under consideration: 17
Dark Angel: Looking for a white one
Pyrates: They’re everywhere
State of Mind: Puppy-joy
Comedy WordMix: Eric is Idle, John took the Cheese, Terry the Grill, Chaps for Graham, Jones the Palindrome.


Lost in the Mists of Hertfordshire
I live on a small island in Hertfordshire called Welwyn Garden City known locally as Welwyn Garden City . The place is often shrouded in mist as the hot air of London merges with the Blue Mountains in the south of the county. Recently a hush has descended around WGC, the wandering violin bands of gypsies are strangely absent, squirrels fret in the tree tops, and tumbleweed blows down Parkway.

The migrating JazzZombies are back!

Yep those black-polar-neck-I’m COOLER-than-Steve-Jobs, Gauloises smoking finger clickers are making their way south for the winter. The hills of Hertfordshire are ringing with ‘Coooooool’ and ‘Niccccccce’ tunes. I have locked myself in the cellar with a barrel of Zinfandel, a large cake, an Internet connection, some crisps, a small nun, and the complete works of Margaret Thatcher (they’ll never break through those).

Works in Progress
‘Not a Recording.’
I’ve uploaded on the Channel4 site. I’ve spent all morning cutting it down from 3.36 to 3.00. It’s still not the way I’d like it. Lacks passion I feel. But I have to get work out there and I need to practice, practice, practice... After it’s moderated I’ll post a link. I really loath the sound of my voice. What about you?

Cut, cut, cut, and then cut again
I always forget this. Pure lazy I suppose. When you write you know it makes sense but you love those words don’t you? You bless them. You repeat them to yourself and the ‘Angel in your Head’ lulls you with “This is treasure, you are the chosen one.” What a lot of danglies. I cut thirty-six seconds from ‘Not a Recording’ and I don’t miss them…


Monty Python
If you were allowed only one sketch to take to your cellar? Which one would you take?
Me? Yep Dead Parrot. I don't know why but I had a Python attack recently, where everything in the world moved two inches to the left. Does that ever happen to you?

Tune in Later for…
Will I and the nun get on? Will we fill each other with love or loathing? Where do JazzZombies migrate? Is it Berkhamstead? Perhaps Munich? Could it be Chalfont St Peterr? Only this blog carries a ‘JazzZombie’ warning signal. “Watch the skies!’


* Prince Philip looked on fondly

300… Marketing Girls

I use mine for shopping


Works under consideration: 4
Dark Angel: Sympathy with the dentist
Pyrates: ???
First Thought this morning: ‘I’ve missed Saturday’
State of Mind: Viking Presbyterian
Comedy Writing WordMix: Green Wing – Funnel Web – Curious – Puddle – Britney – Mrs Tony Blair – 42” General Election.

300
Yes I watched it for the fact that the Spartans were mostly played by Scotsmen. Great graphically but hokey in the acting-more-macho-than-Matt-‘sugar-boy’-Damon-we’re-not-Fascist-no-not-a-bit.

If you were stuck in the Gates of Fire who would you choose to be on your right shoulder? That’s right choose marketing girls. They will be armed with lots of spreadsheets, just the right amount of electrical gadgets, be wearing something ‘pretty-floral.’ And of course they were “…just going to say that.” They’ll tell you the response rate of every ‘Immortal’ with an arrow in his chest and suggest a follow up campaign involving fold out shields, and a beautifully written letter with all the features of having your head chopped off by a large, abs-obsessed Hoplite with anger management issues. So AngelA what is the ‘Call to Action? “Erm, my text book says the most responsive one at this point in our time is ‘Visit a surgeon.”
“Too late AngelA because They’re feck’in dead.”

Don’t choose marketing – choose life.*

“BOOM-BOOM, BOOM-BOOM, BOOM-BOOM, BOOM-BOOM”

Where was I? O’ yes Marketing Girls, well.

“BOOM-BOOM, BOOM-BOOM, BOOM-BOOM, BOOM-BOOM”

Could you just re-read the last bit while I sort out this Boom-Boom business?

CWiW:
TREVOR!

TREVOR APPEARS FROM BEHIND A BOOK CASE. HIS FLIPPERS ARE SLIGHTLY DUSTY AND A FISH TAIL POKES OUT OF THE SIDE OF HIS BEAK. HE WADDLES TO THE COMEDY WRITER IN WAITING DESK

TREVOR: (coughing slightly)
Yes ‘Comedy Writer in Waiting?

CWiW:
Could you take Muddy outside so he can entertain the neighbours with his ‘John Lee Hooker’ impression?

TREVOR:
Muddy! Muddy!

MUDDY:
BOOM-BOOM, BOOM-BOOM, BOOM-BOOM, BOOM-BOOM

TREVOR AND MUDDY WADDLE OUT THE BACK DOOR SCATTERING A BUNCH OF JAZZZOMBIES WHO HAVE BEEN GATHERED IN THE SHADE COMPARING ‘CLARINETS’

I never get any peace around here. I just want to write something about my lack of progress with my master plan to take over the InterWebThing and a Blues Singing Penguin and his ‘oppo’ start kicking up a fuss. Well ‘flipper-ing up a fuss.

Just a moment.

CWiW: (Shouting out the Window)
Stay away from the trampoline!

Sorry about that. I don’t want a penguin coming through the window, covering me in shards of glass and fish scales, and most of all I don’t want another verse of ‘Boogie Chillin.’

I seem to be writing a blog and not getting on with writing my Internet Character Blips. The idea is to film these for my upcoming Web sites and other video type sites. I have the ideas, I also have a competition to enter, and I’m not finding the time!!! Triple !!! with dingly-dangly-knobs-a’poppin!!!

I have this character 'Mr Anonymous’ which I’m hopping to develop and…

THREE NEATLY DRESSED PYRATES ENTER THE COMEDY WRITER IN WAITING BLOG FROM LEFT TO RIGHT

CWiW:
Look I’ve told you lot before! Not when I’M WRITING!

CAPTAIN NICE:
A pardon good sir but we have no food. Our vittles have run out and Woody is suffering from several termites. One appears to be boring in his peg nose.

CWiW:
I’m busy!

GRANITE STARTS PICKING CRUMBS FROM HIS BEARD

CWiW: (cont.)
Don’t you dare!

GRANITE MUTTERS SOMETHING AND STARTS TO TOY WITH THE RABBIT ON HIS SHOULDER

CWiW: (cont.)
And why have you got a rabbit on your shoulder?

GRANITE:
The Parrot is in Vienna on tour.

CWiW:
I’ve told you before…why has your rabbit only got one ear?

WOODY:
SHARON!

CAPTAIN NICE:
Shhhh!

GRANITE:
He’s a fighting rabbit, very rare aren’t you Goliath?

CWiW:
Look I’m busy. Why don’t you try one of the other blogs on the right of this one and see if they’ve got any ‘vittels!’ Try that one - James Henry and his Blue cat. He must have something… or there’s that one ‘Where the Walls are Soft’ Very good…

WOODY:
SHARON!

CWiW:
Will you shut up about that fish!

CAPTAIN NICE:
But he loved her.

CWIW:
Look pop over to ‘Where the Walls are Soft’aka Les aka ‘The Right-Hand-Sycophant.’ I hear there’s some cat chow on offer.

GRANITE:
BELIKE LIKE ME!

CAPTAIN NICE:
Very well. We shall return when your temper is more even. Come on Sharon. I mean Woody.

THE PYRATES HEAD NORTH FROM THE CWiW BLOG. SNIFFING THE AIR AND LOOKING QUITE HAPPY. WOODY SCRATCHES HIS PEG NOSE WITH HIS PEG HANDS.

GRANITE:
Aye Golaith Cat chow. We’re in luck…

GOLAITH:
YumYum!

WOODY:
SHARON!

- END -

I’m going to get a coffee and then write something of note…

Tune into the next blog
And maybe hear from ‘Mr Anonymous’ get around to the FireJuice, dance with a pretty lady and find time to write about the InterWebworldDominationThing.


MUDDY: (V.O.)
BOOM-BOOM, BOOM-BOOM, BOOM-BOOM, BOOM-BOOM!

“ARRRRHHHHHHHHH!”

CWiW: (looking into the back garden)
Feck! How am I going to explain to the gardening team a JazzZombie flattened by an Blues Singing Emperor Penguin…again. Bugger.










*Yep I’m in marketing.

The Peter Serafinowicz Show - Invaded

I fancy mine much



Works under consideration: 4 (have to up my work rate)
Dark Angel: Dwelling in my soul
Pyrates: 1
First Thought this morning: ‘What if I googled my name and I wasn’t there?’
State of Mind: Angel and Sinner
Comedy Writing WordMix: Phil ‘Sergeant Bilko’ Silvers made my life worthwhile gagssharpwonderlaughlongandloud


Watch more Comedy
I write comedy and I don’t like watching it.
But I do. I watch QI and Mock The Week but I find it very hard to watch anything new. I have to. But I can’t. This weekend I’m going to…

Shhhhh…

Did you hear something? I thought I heard something. I hope it’s not those Pyrates again.

I have a new DVD, The 50th Anniversary of ‘The Phil Silver Show.' I love that man and that show. And I’m finally going to get down to some real character comedy watching ‘The Smoking Room.’ Because I’ve been busy writing silly surreal things I’ve lost sight of that element, where the real laughs are ie in The Character.

And I’m going to watch 'The Peter Serafinowicz Show…'

CAPTAIN BLOOD:
Good morning.

COMEDY WRITER IN WAITING:
Just a minute. I’m blogging.

CAPTAIN BLOOD:
But of course my good fellow!

Everything is interrupted! I just want to write about comedy and bloody Pyrates invade my blog.

CAPTAIN BLOOD:
Well I would hardly call it invasion.

COMEDY WRITER IN WAITING:
Do you mind?

CAPTAIN BLOOD:
Sorry sir!

Where was I? Yes at my desk, interrupted, wondering if I’ll every get to dominate, take over and rule the comedy world via InterWebThing. So I’ll be watching 'The Peter Serafinowicz Show' next week. Could be inspiring. I remember him from 'Black Books' where he did a great turn as Hywel Grranger, man with the world’s silkiest voice (well he is a voice over artist, I suppose that was the joke, duh!).
Characters and how to invade them. I mean how to make them.

One thing I’ve found about writing characters is that you can give them the wrong name. Now I tend not to give them a name till I’m happy with them. Strange. Also of great value is ‘Hot Spotting’ them. Something which is used in improv’ workshops all the time. I take some questionnaires and I interview the character I have in mind eg ‘What are you doing at the weekend?’ Take twenty questions and ask your character. If you don’t get the right answers then bin him/her and move on…

CAPTAIN BLOOD:
I say.

COMEDY WRITER IN WAITING:
Yes?

CAPTAIN BLOOD:
Are those your JazzZombies tapping their instruments on the French Windows?

COMEDY WRITER IN WAITING: (shouting out the window)
MOVE ALONG! Yes you! Take that double bass, the Gitannes, the floppy hair and bugger off to Brighton!

CAPTAIN BLOOD:
I was wondering if you could help me find the crew of ‘The Blind Bully Butcher?’

COMEDY WRITER IN WAITING:
Sorry. Don’t have a clue.

CAPTAIN BLOOD:
You may know the Captain? Captain Nice. And his scurvy time wasters Granite and Woody, he who has peg legs, peg hands, and a peg nose.

COMEDY WRITER IN WAITING:
Sorry doesn’t ring any bells.

CAPTAIN BLOOD:
I see.

CAPTAIN BLOOD DRAWS A LONG, HONED CUTLASS

COMEDY WRITER IN WAITING:
There over there.

CAPTAIN BLOOD:
You better not be lying to me writer. I’ll hang you by your pen fingers and thrash you back to your teens…

COMEDY WRITER IN WAITING:
If you look to the right of that portal, just over to the left of the Interweb, you’ll see them settling down before invading that TV show.

CAPTAIN BLOOD:
What’s it called?

COMEDY WRITER IN WAITING:
I believe it’s a BBC Web site. ‘Thursday’s are Funny’– ‘The Peter Serafinowicz Show.’ Thursdays are funny. Well they are aren’t they? I mean it’s 'Thur,' that’s a very funny name for a day. I’d like to number them. You know can’t wait till sixday. What are you doing on sevenday? I could…

CAPTAIN BLOOD:
I’ve got their ship clamped and they owe me seventy-two days of fines. That’s a lot of gold writer. They’ll pay. If your lying to me I’ll be back with hot pokers FOR YOUR STERN and cigarette ends for your coffee…!

COMEDY WRITER IN WAITING GULPS, RAISES AN EYEBROW AND LOOKS INNOCENT.

CAPTAIN BLOOD:
FOLLOW ME MEN! CHARGE!!!

A MOTLEY CREW OF CUTTHROATS FOLLOW CAPTAIN BLOOD ACROSS THE BLOG. MOST OF THEM DON’T WIPE THEIR FEET

- END -

If I was you I wouldn’t write anymore pyrates…

Tune in to the next blog
When the crew of 'The Blind BullyButcher’ run right to left across the blog. Captain Blood gets a bloody nose and Woody gets poetical…

Why we need to return to Slavery for Kevins

Kevin The Polar Bear wished he could spit further


Works under consideration: 17 (still 17, yes still 17)
Dark Angel: 1
JazzZombies: 87 (The bastards are still in the garden)
First Thought this morning: ‘Isn’t daylight alarming.’
State of Mind: Chocolate Fixation
Comedy Writing WordMix: Furry puddle comedy script fluffy sitcom clips


On Slavery
It’s 200 years since Slavery was abolished in the UK. I’d love to bring it back and enslave everyone called Kevin. No real reason but it struck me when seeing the ‘hair shirts’ dressed up and being repentant. You’ve seen them haven’t you? Men with beards and corduroy trousers, and crumbs in their beards, and subscriptions to magazines like Popular Mechanics ‘This Week Build Your Own Twin Engined Helicopter Skateboard’ carrying-crosses-so-I-may-share-your-pain-as-I-feel-for-you-and-wish-to-suffer-like-you-my-brother-look-at-MY-BEARD!

Josh
Josh is a backpacker and he travels the world in his own bubble. Have you met a Josh? Funny aren’t they. They travel to broaden their horizons and come back the same only with pictures to prove it.

JOSH:
I have visited every continent and many of the larger islands.

JIM:
I’ve just thought of Peter Cook.

JOSH:
I met a Peter Cook in Bali. He had feet.

JIM:
This Peter Cook was one of the funniest most alive of men. A man of Demons, talent, and wit.

JOSH:
His feet were very large. I remember seeing him walk with a native. It’s such a different way of life…

JIM:
A man came up to him at a party and…

JOSH:
He could make a kettle out of a palm leaf and milked goats for our breakfast.

JIM:
Peter Cook asked him how he was and the man said to Peter Cook…

JOSH:
Have you seen the Northern Lights? Once I was in the Outer Hebrides, A bit like that film, you know, Burt Lancashire…

JIM:
Burt Lanchester.

JOSH:
Lovely place. The red rose. Reminds me of the PushPush flower of New Guinea…

JIM:
The MAN SAID TO PETER COOK…

JOSH:
Hey Chill.

JIM:
I will not Fucking Chill! Nobody every chills. It’s calm. CALM IS THE FUCKING WORD.

JOSH:
Rekei could help you know.

JIM:
The Man said ‘I’m writing a novel.’

JOSH:
I have blogged my travels. My blog is called ‘The Road to Mandalay, ‘Travels with low carbon footprints.’

JIM:
And Peter Cook said neither am I.

JOSH:
I’ve got six-thousand-two-hundred-and-seven-pictures-on-my-iPod.

JIM:
Local Hero.

JOSH:
Pardon?

JIM:
The film with Burt Lanchester is called Local Hero.

JOSH:
O’

JIM:
Josh falls down asleep.

JOSH:
But I’m not tired.

JIM:
I wrote you now fall ASLEEP!

JOSH:
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

- END -

Let that be a lesson to you. Write characters that you can put to sleep AT WILL!



‘Everyone is a prisoner of his own experiences. No one can eliminate prejudices— just recognize them’’
- Ed Murrow
(31st December 1955)

Sheikh, Scar, and Fang – The Three Cats of the Apocalypse

Works under consideration: 6
Dark Angels spotted close by: 1
Films to write: 1
JazzZombies in my garden: 0
(They’ve popped into Bodyshop for some Dermalogica, and body butter)
Widgets to create: #108 World domination Moisturizer and CAD package (plan new engines while caring for your hands).


So here I sit evil genius after world domination via the Internet

V.O.R:
Hold on!

JIM:
Who’s that?

VOR:
Don’t you recognize me?

THE VOICE OF REASON STEPS INTO THE BLOG

JIM:
O’ it’s you again.

JIM II:
That’s right. It’s me. ‘Voice of Reason’ aka ‘Jim II.’ The sensible part of your head.

JIM:
Go back to work, house-keeping, planning holidays, and looking at life-style magazines.

JIM II:
OK. But I’ll be back.

- END –

I thought I’d lost him at the shopping centre.

So I’m writing a film (10 pages for the Red Planet Competition,), and writing a blog for health reasons. And as an evil genius, well more of a foolish genius, up pops a 'Evil Right-Hand Sycophant' which is just what I need. Well when I say 'Evil Right-Hand Sycophant' I mean Les ‘The Broad from The North’ which is very handy.

But as an evil genius I also need some muscle and have therefore recruited ‘The Three Cats of the Apocalypse, Sheik, Scar, and Fang. At the moment they are slumbering in the giant Cedar tree and the bottom of the garden ready to be UNLEASHED!

I think they made a mistake choosing matching capes.

The furry trio of character assassins sit and purr, slumber, and purr, breath and purr. I have only to say the word and UNLEASH their side-way glances, disdainful noses, and irony. HAHA!

Well the films going well. I have an outline and several characters, no one has a name though but I do have an ending. So three days to create a work of GENIUS!

JIM II:
You’ll never do it!

JIM:
I’m going off you. CAPED CATS! DO YOUR WORK!

SHEIK YAWNS. FANG SCRATCHES HIMSELF. SCAR TURNS OVER

SCAR: (sotto voce)
You are merely human.

- END –

You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow

Today, We're Looking Through The Cubic Window

Works under consideration: 6
Dark Angels in my soul: 1
Films to write: 1
JazzZombies in my garden: 76 (they’re back from Brighton, well most of them)
Widgets to create: #107. A Hulk Hogan/Wonder Woman Widget for cleaning the bathroom, looking damned sexy and frightening away gun crime.


Currently I have six comedy sketches out there. Fingers crossed, chakras primed, lamb chop sacrificed to the god of mint, secret message written under my eyelid, a quick message to the United Nations, and not forgetting my lucky rabbit foot (I have four of them and they’re called Fang, or CV *Fang to give him his full name).

Now I’m on holiday and writing ten pages of a screen play [SEE ‘Join The Dot']. I’m happy with the idea, so today is writing an outline and then the beats. All by next Saturday then I can continue my master plan to take over google, the internet, and very important commissioning executives HAHA!


TODAY
We will be looking through the cubic window.

INT/DAY
AN EMPTY THEATRE. PABLO PICASSO STANDS IN THE MIDDLE OF AN EMPTY STAGE STARING AT THE ARCHITECTURE. ENTER A SENIOR NON COMMISSIONED OFFICER OF THE BRITISH ARMY, RSM W. JONES.

S/FX MARCHING FEET


RSM:
That man there! What are you looking at?

PICASSO:
I was looking at the patterns of light, the texture of the space, and feeling the energy of those who have gone before in this temple of performance.

RSM:
Stand up straight when I’m abusing you!

PICASSO LEANS TO ONE SIDE

RSM:
I said stand up straight you ‘orrible specimen you!

PICASSO:
If you were to lean as well.

THE RSM, TAKEN ABACK, LEANS

PICASSO: (cont.)
You will see I am straight.

THE RSM LEANS BACK TO THE PERPENDICULAR

RSM:
What’s the matter with you man? Are you an ARTIST!

PICASSO:
A humble painter.

RSM:
Why do you want to go and do something like that when you could be out their marching, fighting, and generally strutting like a GOD!

PICASSO:
Well apart from the fact that I can always have a lie in and I enjoy creating beauty, I’m world famous, very rich, and I get to shag some of the worlds most beautiful woman.

RSM:
BASTARD!

- END -

Now if you’ll excuse me I have to persuade one of my cats, ‘Agent Scar,’ that the RSPB** are bound to reject his application for membership.


* I lied Fang is in fact a lucky black cat.. HaHa!
** Royal Society for the Protection of Birds

'b' is for Band and 'S' is for 'Agent Scar'

Works under consideration: 3
Dark Angels in my sight: 1
Films to write: 1
Talking of rubbish: Yesterday’s Newspaper

'b' is for Band
I like music. Well I like REAL music. Well I like everything except JazzZombies. I have my own band. I don’t play in it but I have carried drum equipment behind and down the length of a very long London bar. And yes I did get to say it “I’m with the band.” The following is how I imagine my band goes about it’s everyday business.

b is the bass.
Spen is the guitar hero
Dave counts to four and repeats


INT/NIGHT
B’S FLAT

SPEN:
B?

B:
Yes Spen?

SPEN:
I think this is an excellent spot for a gig but a little small.

B:
We’re not actually there yet Spen. This is my kitchen.

SPEN:
Dave is a bit quiet. YOU ALRIGHT Dave?

DAVE: (shouting)
BANG! BANG! CRASH, CRASH, BANG, BANGBANG, BANG TINKLE!

SPEN:
Don’t tell me…

B:
I’m afraid so. He’s talking in pure drum kit again. I suppose it’s only to be expected after that incident with the Harry Potter book, the Marshall amp, and the Directors Commentary of Spinal Tap.

SPEN:
And the bolt of lighting. Well at least the floor is level.

B:
How can you tell?

SPEN:
Because our drummer is dribbling from both sides of his mouth.*

- END -


More from ‘b’ and the chaps (BTW the band is called called HEAD, they are very real and I haven’t changed their names because they are guilty) another time.
I have a film to write (well ten pages and a half page synopsis) and ten days to do it in. Crikey!

'S' is for 'Agent Scar'
INT/NIGHT
JIM SLIPS INTO A SLUMBER. A CAT, ‘AGENT SCAR’ WANDERS PAST. LOOKS SUPERIOR AND WANDERS TO BED.

“ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz Hicc! ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz”

JIM: (waking up)
What was that?

AGENT SCAR: (sotto voce)
You just slept through your destiny human.

SCAR PURRS A LONG PURRR OF SATISFACTION AND EXITS CAT FLAP LEFT

- END -

* Joke Homage No: 317
First attributed to John Lennon

They Never Met No: 2.87th

You can now leave a comment on my blog.
I don’t get out much and this is my only way of attracting reality.

Works under consideration: 4
JazzZombies in my garden: 81.5
Carbon Footprint: Polar Bear Paw
Regretful Thoughts: Naught

The 2.87th in the third series of ‘They Never Met.’ A series of characters meeting unexpectedly in my head.

No: 2.87
Napoleon v Eddie Izzard

NAPOLEON:
Tres Jolie frock mon brave.

EDDIE:
Merci.

NAPOLEON:
Et le eye shadow really kicks out.

EDDIE:
It’s Jam actually.

NAPOLEON
O’ Oui. Le raspberry.

- END -

Creative Thoughts
I’ve been to a lot of workshops and courses on writing and performing and one of the traditional questions is “Where do you get your ideas from?” The trite answer used to be “I get them from the ‘ideas shop.’” Now it’s “I get them from www.ideas.com.” Ideas are all around. If you can’t find enough pick a number and get that many. How does that work? It works by making you think a little more. The first couple will be inspiration, the next few will be ‘grim’ then you break through to the really interesting stuff. Don’t think on ‘I need an idea.’ Instead think of ‘I want twenty ideas. Look up Gene Perret on Comedy Writing, he’s worth reading.

Now I’m off to hose down the JazzZombies with some GreenDay, a bottle of tree oil, vitriol, some brass cleaner, half a dozen popsicles, a lemon squeezer and the contents of my cafetiere.

Sound

Customers who bought...

Works under consideration: 7
JazzZombies in my garden: 82
Empty Wine Bottles: 3
Innocent Thoughts: ‘Fluffy Kitten’

I was talking to Danni ‘The Woof-Woof-Lady’ and telling her about the USB Missile Launcher. You know the one, plug it into your computer and launch foam missiles at work mates, for fun. During my search I came across this on Amazon; a USB Circus Cannon; ‘Includes 3 foam "Rocket Babes" and a circus net to catch them.’

The upsell below the item on Amazon included this:

Customers Who Bought Items Like This Also Bought
The Dambusters
The Best of Depeche Mode Vol I + DVD

A Blip
It’s late and our Amazon customer is…watching the classic WWII 'Dambusters' movie, the sound is turned down, His ‘Best of Depeche Mode Vol I' CD is in the stereo, he’s listening to ‘Strangelove’ while repeatedly firing foam ‘Rocket Babes’ at his naked torso, with intense thought he moves the circus net over his warm skin…

Could this be you?

Hotdog S.M.D