FIRE in the Belly - Belike Pyrates

I started modeling for Stella McCartney when I was nine

Works under consideration: 4
Dark Angel: Now in my dreams
Pyrates: 4
First Thought this morning: ‘I’ve woken up.’
State of Mind: Remove the Elephant from the Room
Comedy Writing WordMix: Alfgarnettshouldliveagain andfight Halo 3 and The Return of The BionicWoman

Works Under Consideration
I’ve down-sized my expectations. I sent some full sketches and some ‘slug lines’ to a couple of open script calls and nothing. Well I still have my teeth, the capacity to purrr like a real cat, imagine a fight with my shadow, see the wonder in a child’s hair, speak silly words, attempt a better world full of Pyrates, Banditos, and JazzZombies, and still I fight on, till…

World Domination via the InterWebThing
Can’t tell you all the plans because I believe something I once read in a book about writing where it was stated to ‘Hold your FIRE’ until you had finished otherwise the passion gets talked out. But progress is slow due to the little bits and bobs I have to make for the videos…

A Friend
Asked me yesterday where I find my inspiration and I said it was a reaction against working in an office, imprisoned in the darks cells of a spreadsheet, and wondering what it would be like to wake up with an idea and make it happen today? And of course you have to have your belly full of FIRE…

ENTER THE PYRATES

CAPTAIN NICE:
Quick men over there…

GRANITE:
Did ye say FIRE!

CAPTAIN NICE:
We may have to rescue someone and carry them to our ship, she might be pretty and Spanish, we could live in a tropical paradise with those birds with lots of colours and hooked-beak-things…

GRANITE:
Did ye say FIRE!

CAPTAIN NICE:
Granite you’re just being repetitive. Now men we must…

WOODY:
Captain?

CAPTAIN NICE:
Yes Woody? And Granite.

GRANITE:
Aye CAPTAIN!

CAPTAIN NICE:
Put the cat down.

GRANITE:
But it be a nice pusssywussy…

CAPTAIN NICE:
Well it…

WOODY
About the ship…

CAPTAIN NICE:
I know it’s a nice pussywussy…erm…cat and IT IS a nice cat. I’ve told you before about the ‘it be’ erm…thing.

COMEDY WRITER IN WAITING:
Excuse me but I’m trying to write a blog.

GRANITE:
Shall I GUT this bottom-wind of a sealsucking Gannet-tickling landlubbing…

CAPTAIN NICE:
Alright Granite…

WOODY:
The ship Captain.

GRANITE:
I could use him for bait when we fish for the Giant Bass of Madagascar. Aye! Belike!

WOODY:
BELIKE! About the ship Captain…

COMEDY WRITER IN WAITING:
What are you doing here by the way?

GRANITE:
Enough from you nancywritingboy-ARTIST!!!

CAPTAIN NICE:
We wondered if you’d seen Captain Blood?

COMEDY WRITER IN WAITING:
Nope.

CAPTAIN NICE:
O’.

GRANITE:
Can I have him as a pet Captain?

CAPTAIN NICE:
We already have seventy-two ship cats Granite. The mice suspect something. Well if Blood’s not here…

GRANITE:
No I meant the writer. BELIKE!

CAPTAIN NICE:
Well. What would you do with a pet writer?

GRANITE:
A door stop.

CAPTAIN NICE:
Right we’re going.

CAPTAIN NICE AND GRANITE EXIT. WOODY ADJUSTS HIS PEG NOSE WITH HIS PEG HANDS AND SCRATCHES ACROSS THE WOODEN FLOOR ON HIS PEG LEGS

COMEDY WRITER IN WAITING:
Woody. I don’t remember writing that line about the ship.

WOODY:
Well ‘Comedy Writer in Waiting’ you don’t know everything.

COMEDY WRITER IN WAITING:
Bugger.

WOODY:
Clamped.

COMEDY WRITER IN WAITING:
The council clamped your ship?

WOODY:
No. It were the scurvy-dances-with-marketing-girls-Blood. And we’re completely out of gold. The Captain will no be pleased. Have to go and capture that treacherously-handsome, white teeth of a Soap Star, and the habits of a dirty badger, lickspittle CAPTAIN BLOOD! BELIKE!!!

WOODY EXITS

To be continued…

Fire in the Character
They just write themselves you know. Nothing to do with me Guv.

GRANITE: (V.O.)
BELIKE Nancy Boy!

BTW
I hate Pirates of the Caribbean with a zeal verging on the supernatural and my Pyrates would rather be seen at a Software Awards Ceremony than in the company of such a bunch of lily-livered-egg-white-eating-smooth-skinned-sterile-OK-Magazine-deal-dullfeck'ness.

“HIP-HIP!”

“BELIKE!”

And God Bless Ireland…