Why we need to return to Slavery for Kevins

Kevin The Polar Bear wished he could spit further


Works under consideration: 17 (still 17, yes still 17)
Dark Angel: 1
JazzZombies: 87 (The bastards are still in the garden)
First Thought this morning: ‘Isn’t daylight alarming.’
State of Mind: Chocolate Fixation
Comedy Writing WordMix: Furry puddle comedy script fluffy sitcom clips


On Slavery
It’s 200 years since Slavery was abolished in the UK. I’d love to bring it back and enslave everyone called Kevin. No real reason but it struck me when seeing the ‘hair shirts’ dressed up and being repentant. You’ve seen them haven’t you? Men with beards and corduroy trousers, and crumbs in their beards, and subscriptions to magazines like Popular Mechanics ‘This Week Build Your Own Twin Engined Helicopter Skateboard’ carrying-crosses-so-I-may-share-your-pain-as-I-feel-for-you-and-wish-to-suffer-like-you-my-brother-look-at-MY-BEARD!

Josh
Josh is a backpacker and he travels the world in his own bubble. Have you met a Josh? Funny aren’t they. They travel to broaden their horizons and come back the same only with pictures to prove it.

JOSH:
I have visited every continent and many of the larger islands.

JIM:
I’ve just thought of Peter Cook.

JOSH:
I met a Peter Cook in Bali. He had feet.

JIM:
This Peter Cook was one of the funniest most alive of men. A man of Demons, talent, and wit.

JOSH:
His feet were very large. I remember seeing him walk with a native. It’s such a different way of life…

JIM:
A man came up to him at a party and…

JOSH:
He could make a kettle out of a palm leaf and milked goats for our breakfast.

JIM:
Peter Cook asked him how he was and the man said to Peter Cook…

JOSH:
Have you seen the Northern Lights? Once I was in the Outer Hebrides, A bit like that film, you know, Burt Lancashire…

JIM:
Burt Lanchester.

JOSH:
Lovely place. The red rose. Reminds me of the PushPush flower of New Guinea…

JIM:
The MAN SAID TO PETER COOK…

JOSH:
Hey Chill.

JIM:
I will not Fucking Chill! Nobody every chills. It’s calm. CALM IS THE FUCKING WORD.

JOSH:
Rekei could help you know.

JIM:
The Man said ‘I’m writing a novel.’

JOSH:
I have blogged my travels. My blog is called ‘The Road to Mandalay, ‘Travels with low carbon footprints.’

JIM:
And Peter Cook said neither am I.

JOSH:
I’ve got six-thousand-two-hundred-and-seven-pictures-on-my-iPod.

JIM:
Local Hero.

JOSH:
Pardon?

JIM:
The film with Burt Lanchester is called Local Hero.

JOSH:
O’

JIM:
Josh falls down asleep.

JOSH:
But I’m not tired.

JIM:
I wrote you now fall ASLEEP!

JOSH:
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

- END -

Let that be a lesson to you. Write characters that you can put to sleep AT WILL!



‘Everyone is a prisoner of his own experiences. No one can eliminate prejudices— just recognize them’’
- Ed Murrow
(31st December 1955)