Sooty and Weep - Comedy Writing Engines

Prince Charles hands himself into the British Association of Comedy Writers.

I meant “Paki and weep.”

A short homage to the glory of Windsor:-

SCENE 1
INT/DAY
THE HOUSE OF WINDSOR

PRINCE CHARLES:
Now Harry. No more using the word ‘Paki.’

PRINCE HARRY:
What about Coon?

PRINCE CHARLES:
Coon is fine. Just don’t film yourself saying it.

VOICE:
Umama ingane!

PRINCE CHARLES:
Holy fuck son what’s that?

PRINCE HARRY:
That’s one of my Zulus.

PRINCE CHARLES:
I’ve told you before you have to put them back into the wild.

PRINCE HARRY:
But Dad I’ve only got one Impi left.

PRINCE CHARLES:
I’m fed up with you recreating Rorke’s Drift every evening, you’re bedroom is a complete tip. For god’s sake this is the nineteenth century.

- END -


COMEDY WRITING ENGINES
What do you mean the comedy engine?

The comedy writing engine is what drives the comedy, the idea, in whatever writing discipline. At it’s simplest , in the piece above it was Prince Charles , or PC calling a friend ‘Sooty.’

It’s funny living in the past…

For longer work it underpins the whole piece. A sitcom or a play may have more than one engine, it may have a different engine for each scene.

A fun way to come up with an engine is to think of: X versus Y.

A WORK IN PROGRESS
The Tiger T’s

Currently I’m working on some short films or ‘blips’ as I call them to promote a commercial Web site and also to use as a comedy writing calling card, and because it’s fun.

So I have two Tiger hand puppets that will be filmed in scenes of no longer than one minute. O’ and they live in bra (Tiger T’s?).

Kevin and Leftie as I’ve christened them need some character, a physical difference and a RANGE of engines that I can use, play with, and develop.

Here are the engines I first come up with:-

Leftie v Kevin
Left v Right
Sensible Tiger Good Time Tiger
Neurotic v Carefree
Homebody v Outgoing Extrovert
Intellect v Appetite
Logic v Creative

Now I imagine ten scenes to work on One of the first I come up with is going on a date. How would each react to being ‘fondled?’

Kevin is the right ‘Good Time Tiger. Leftie is the sensible Tiger.

When Kevin has his head rubbed he will rub back and:-

KEVIN:
Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Leftie on being fondled:-

LEFTIE:
I was looking for a more cerebral approach.

The engine is Left v Right brain. This contrast, two opposites, in the same bra, will motivate, ie be the engine, for all the comedy.

Tune in Next Time for…
How I develop the Tiger T’s.
Prince Charles finally joins Amnesty International and seeks asylum in the last century.
The credit crunch gets nasty when, due to an administrative error, the UK’s last credit card is confiscated.

Random Band Mix
The Clash v Smokey Robinson
‘Rock The Clown’

Kicking Comedy Ideas around till they GIVE IN!

Now all he needed was a pen and some paper

Works under consideration: 0
Current Dominant Thought: Beep…Beep…Beep…
Ideas: 0.273


This post started with the one previous if you read that one the following may make sense…

COUNTDOWN TILL Every1Sarcastic Competition – 21 Days

IDEAS
Do you want limitless ideas?
It’s easy
You may have your own way of creating them. There are hundreds of people writing about creativity, most of them are not worth the absorbency of the paper…

Here are a few starting points. If you want to write and never run out of ideas build your own armoury of these weapons/tools. They don’t all work all the time – that’s why you need to build up the armoury, Here are some that work for me.

De Bono
Any of his books are a good starting point. Look out for list making ideas using plus, minus, Interesting as your headings.

What if?
The most powerful tool on the planet. What if George Bush was held hostage by Girl Scouts? Just ask yourself What if? (Doesn’t’ always work for me if I do it consciously).

Stepping into the shower
Esoteric but it works for me often (see below for Commanding…) Driving is good as well.

Commanding the Unconscious
Also known as ‘going for a walk’ The idea is you think around what you want to write about and then dismiss it all to the unconscious and get on with your life or go for a walk. The idea will pop into the conscious unexpectedly. Works often for me.

Music
I have various Play Lists for writing to. Currently I’m listening to a list I’ve called ‘Writer’s Dream’ It’s music with energy and a slight lickinglust ie From Gossip Standing in the Way of Control, through Green Day mashed by Dean Grey’s Boulevard of Broken Dreams,’ to Okkervil River’s Life is not a Movie or Maybe.’

The 95%er – Numbered List
How many ideas do you want? Three, four, seven? How about twenty-five? Fifty? Well do you want to be a creative or not?
Get some paper.
Get a pen.
Write the numbers 1 – 25.
Write your first idea next to 1 and continue.

Did I hear you squeak?

Yes you can do it.

Why?

Because you’re a creative. What’s going to happen?
Well Ideas 1- 3 will be the ones you’ve had at the front of your mind.
Ideas 4 – 10 are often a struggle but worth pushing through.
10 – 15 will be silly, unusable, push on…
Between 15 and 25 the magic will start to appear (and quite often complete Nobby-sense. Not every time, but the more you do it, the more confident you become. It’s fun, it’s magic, it’s why you write. The 5% of the time it doesn’t work for me I use the rest of my armoury.

The best bit?
The more you do it the less often you have to fall back on the armoury as you’ll start to programme yourself to have the idea you want when you want it.

CWiW: [LIGHTING A CIGARETTE]
Where’s me paper...

- END –

TUNE IN NEXT TIME
For Lists, Bill Hicks Lives on, and Gordon Brown stops saying ‘Darling!’


Random Band Mix
Green Day v An Electropop Combo’
Green Hot Day Chip

Comedy Credit Crunch - Just Dub!

'Once' again and always a clown

Works under consideration: 0
Current Dominant Thought: Tracking…tracking…tracking…
Ideas: 0


Back in the saddle…

eMarketing Exam finished and passed – CHECK
Health returned – CHECK
Creative Juices – CHECK
Ideas – CHECKED OUT

Back in the saddle is great but shouldn’t there be a horse underneath? Just a crazy thought from a CRAZY GUY!* **

There are three competitions I want to enter (and I have to find out about other writing opportunities) and I want to progress my having my own comedy company.

Where to start.

Own Company – PUT ON HOLD

Competition 1 Every1Sarcastic – Sit Com. Deadline: 15th August
Competition 2 Rise Film screenplay - Film. Deadline: 26th September
Competition 3 Ice and Fire Amnesty Int. - Play. Deadline: 1st August

Bright and clever writers wouldn’t hesitate. I’ll have to skip the Amnesty competition due to lack of time. I did start the process but time caught up and so it’s ann attempt at the Every1Sarcastic com.

I’m writing this from under my bed, along with one diabetic cat, some fluff, a strangely sticky tissue, and a whole lot of doubt.

CWiW thinks…

First get out from under the bed and face the brief… Second make more coffee, third blimey it’s around 15 days to write a 15 min sitcom for the stage…erm…


STARTING
Well I don’t have an idea. I could adapt something existing but that would be EASY! So I’ll get some paper and doodle…

Let’s see what happens with some writing tools I use onandoff…

- END –

TUNE IN NEXT TIME
For Kicking an idea around till it GIVES IN!



Random Band Mix
Bedouin Sound Clash v Guns N’ Roses Alumni
Bedouin Slash Sound


*I’m not crazy. You are.
** Steve Martin was once as ‘Crazy as a Clown’s Cock.’ But he joined the Hollywood Bozo club long ago. Comedy is fun not focus groups.

Things I meant to say...

S/FX A MAN COUGHS LOUDLY.

BTW
‘Cough, Cough.’ I’m over the worst of my bronchial infection (OK. So you’d call it a ‘man cold').

Works under consideration: 3
JazzZombies in my garden: 0 (I think they’re all in Brighton)
Gogol Bordello Tracks in my head: 2
Dark Angels appreciated and rejected: ‘S’ (That’s just the one then)
Films to write: 1
Cheery thoughts: 1 empty swimming pool, 500 naked women, 1 Jimmy Choo catalogue


So here it is. I’m a coward. I’m also very witty after the event. So here are some lines I made up and didn’t use to REAL people.

The Frenchman

The Boss

George W Bush

Can you spot what I said only in my head?




The Frenchman
An important Frenchman once criticised my choice of wine (it was a gentle tease). Here’s what was said.

PHILIPPE:
This is not wine. This is soft fruit in a bottle.

JIM:
Haha! Philippe why don’t you stop being French for a moment? Why not try something different? Why not try being Scottish for the evening? That way you wouldn’t have to worry about your hair, your clothes, or Johnny Halliday, and you could stay up all night polishing your caber.




The Boss
Imagine a Lancashire accent mixed with strong beer.

BOSS:
I like to keep fit with at the gym Jim. How do you keep fit?

JIM:
HaHa! I f**k Polar Bears. Not only does it keep me fit it reduces my carbon footprint by 72.2 per cent.




George W Bush

JIM:
Mr President. Have another pretzel.



‘It's a stupid thing we say, Cursing tomorrow with sorrow…’

They Never Met No: 2.87th

You can now leave a comment on my blog.
I don’t get out much and this is my only way of attracting reality.

Works under consideration: 4
JazzZombies in my garden: 81.5
Carbon Footprint: Polar Bear Paw
Regretful Thoughts: Naught

The 2.87th in the third series of ‘They Never Met.’ A series of characters meeting unexpectedly in my head.

No: 2.87
Napoleon v Eddie Izzard

NAPOLEON:
Tres Jolie frock mon brave.

EDDIE:
Merci.

NAPOLEON:
Et le eye shadow really kicks out.

EDDIE:
It’s Jam actually.

NAPOLEON
O’ Oui. Le raspberry.

- END -

Creative Thoughts
I’ve been to a lot of workshops and courses on writing and performing and one of the traditional questions is “Where do you get your ideas from?” The trite answer used to be “I get them from the ‘ideas shop.’” Now it’s “I get them from www.ideas.com.” Ideas are all around. If you can’t find enough pick a number and get that many. How does that work? It works by making you think a little more. The first couple will be inspiration, the next few will be ‘grim’ then you break through to the really interesting stuff. Don’t think on ‘I need an idea.’ Instead think of ‘I want twenty ideas. Look up Gene Perret on Comedy Writing, he’s worth reading.

Now I’m off to hose down the JazzZombies with some GreenDay, a bottle of tree oil, vitriol, some brass cleaner, half a dozen popsicles, a lemon squeezer and the contents of my cafetiere.

Sound