Thursday, October 11, 2007

The Award Awards


Well met by moonlight, for a fish

Works under consideration: 4
Dark Angel: Tearing
Pyrates: Erm?
Banditos: Erm?
Penguins: Erm?
Nominations: 1
State of Mind: Cigarettes, coffee, red wine NOW!
Comedy Writing WordMix: Glug, satin, Bavarian tea, sloppy Jo American Mall dreams – random - HipHopHa!

The Nomination
A big clappy to Agent ‘G’ for the nomination for the ‘Blogger Choice Award‘ Best Humor Blog. Bloody Americans can’t spell. Can ‘U?’

Of course I wear my blog lightly and I have a lot of key-strokes to thank for this honour.

Do you want to help? I will of course put no emotional pressure on you to vote for my humble random tapings, but my grey haired old Mum and my ailing kitten will be very grateful.

Pop Along…
To the Blogger Choice site register (it takes a nano-moment-nothing,-but-joy-you-will-feel) and vote for this surreal prison I’ve been sentenced to…

‘I thank you.’

Comedy Writing Gods
Gene Perret.
I’ve mentioned him before and I’ll mention him again because after years of waiting I’ve tracked down a copy of ‘Comedy Writing Workbook.’ I have another of his books from which gems were given. There are two ways to learn about comedy. One is write it. O’ there isn’t a two. Well if no one is giving you the opportunity get this book.. Good American (BTW I found it on Amazon Market Place).

Top 25
I’ve done lots of Gene’s exercises and always learned from them and the first ‘Workout’ of this book is to find your favourite 25 gags. Well I like gags but what I really like is absurd story stuff. So when I come (again) to do this exercise Eddie Izzard will be right at the top and I’m only going to choose one ‘riff’’ – Pavlov’s Cats (Ring bell, dogs, food, salivating, remember?).

‘Cake or death?’*

Well it’s the performance you see and you can see it here >>>

But it can be summed up with like this:

DAY 1
Rang bell - cats answered the door.

DAY 2
Rang bell - cats said they had eaten earlier.

DAY 3
Cats stole the battery.

DAY 4
Cat rang the bell, I ate the food.

Watch it. It's only 2 mins...

The Awards Awards Ceremony
A ceremony for giving out the best Awards for Awards including slipping out of your dress at an inopportune moment, tear-duct surgery, masked self-effacement, I’m pissed and I don’t care, I’ll thank everyone even though I did it all my self, tripping on the step and passing it off as high emotions. And of course Best Performance by Hair Below the Knee, Blinking in Moonlight Supporting Role, Best use of a No Talent Fecker' at a Charity Comedy Event and of course The British Film Academy's Award Fellowship Award for not Dying and for…

FLISH-FLICK, FLISH-FLICK, FLISH-FLICK, FLISH-FLICK,

Excuse me a moment. Just read amongst yourselves. I hear a strange noi…

FLISH-FLICK, FLISH-FLICK,

There it is again.

What an…

GRANITE: (V.O.)
BELIKE!

CWiW:
Bugger. There’re back!

CAPTAIN NICE: (V.O.)
Avast JimKin!

CWiW:
I thought I’d got rid of you. Where’ve you been?

THE PYRATES: CAPTAIN NICE, GRANITE, AND WOODY SWING THROUGH THE OPEN DINNING ROOM WINDOW AND SLIDE ACROSS THE WHITE OAK FLOOR. THEY COME TO AN ABSURD CARTOON HALT AT HIS FEET. THEY PICK THEMSELVES UP

GRANITE:
We be back from Kanada! We fought Turk Barbers, sold the soles of our boots, and raided many a Subway for 12 INCHERS!

WOODY: (Hiccupping)
Belike!

CAPTAIN NICE:
Canada is spelt with a ‘C’ Granite.

GRANITE:
A thousand-fawning-pardons!

CAPTAIN NICE:
We have treasure!

WOODY:
Sharon!

ALL:
Shut up about that bloody fish!

CAPTAIN NICE:
See!

CAPTAIN NICE THROWS DOWN A SACK AND OUT SPILLS ASSORTED FLORAL TUPPERWARE

CWiW:
Get the feck’ out of my blog.

CAPTAIN NICE:
But, but, but…

WOODY:
Sharon! Moonlight on your fins!

GRANITE:
It be TREASURE!

CAPTAIN NICE:
Quite right. It is treasure.

CWiW
It’s very fine Tupperware, which although tasteful IS NOT IN SHORT SUPPLY

WOODY SHAKEN OUT OF HIS DRINK INDUCED FISH LOVE MADNESS HOPS ON ONE PEG LEG INTO THE CWiW LOUNGE

CAPTAIN NICE:
Are you sure?

CWiW:
Look you’re late nineteenth century Pyrates blasted into the present day…

CAPTAIN NICE & GRANITE:
There was a great…

CWiW:
Storm. Yes I know. Treasure is gold, gems, Jade. Doubloons...

WOODY:(V.O.)
And Love.

CWiW:
Yes Woody. Love is real treasure.

CAPTAIN NICE:
Well it was an honest mistake. What do you suggest we do with it?

CWiW:
Erm. How about a picnic.

PYRATES ALL:
A PICNIC! Hurrah! Hurrah! Thrice HURRAH!

THE PYRATES EXIT THE CWiW RESIDENCE WITH THE HELP OF SOME ROPES AND A SMALL MONKEY

- END -


Tune into the next blog
I award myself an award for not having an award AWARD. This will be presented by Princess Anne astride the Scottish Rugby Union Pack – “Pounde!”
Several cats will be sent out to spy on their owners and Jeffery Archer will choke on his own magnificence. And the pyrates tell the story of when they attended the Pyrate of the Year Award sponsored by 'Belike Paving.'


* Courtesy of Mr Izzard


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2 Comments:

At 1:58 am, Blogger Les Becker said...

Good GAWD. I had the buggers trained to say "Canuckia"! They practiced and practiced and practiced!

I loved the cat skit, BTW - although my two will come if I whistle Jerome's little tune from The Friendly Giant, provided I have a jar of treats in hand and don't just laugh at them.

Good luck with the blog award (yes, I voted) and more luck scraping out the Tupperware (it wasn't "floral" to begin with). Bleach may help.

 
At 8:57 pm, Blogger JimKin said...

Much thanking...

A quiet 'b e l i k e !'

And a little shout of 'Canuckia!'

 

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