Random Association Pixies

A U.N. Grant was the best he could hope for

Works under consideration: 22


Stuck in the Middle of…
a sketch called ‘My Mate Primate’ for the Channel 4 Web site in association with Baby Cow . The premise is a ‘1950’s Dad transported back in time to live in a community of Neanderthals.’ Erm. Well, of course, they’ve got to be playing cricket. And I’m stuck…

Being Funny Secrets
It’s hard work.

Perhaps one time in ten I write something off the cuff and it’s any good. Most of the time I have to ‘generate’ ideas. There are lots of variations on this but building a list of ‘Random Associations.’ I just write a list of 50 things around the subject which can be images, words, places, people, dialogue. Then I’ll build a ‘Focused’ list. This list is really things that have some energy, the possibility of going somewhere. The more you ‘generate’ the more chances you make for yourself.

Lists
It’s a way of getting your mind to make the sub-conscious connections. And it should be fun otherwise why are you writing? From the ‘Focused List’ I mull and mull, and mull, and something will kick off the piece. If it doesn’t (always set yourself a time limit – so you don’t beat yourself up and make writing harder) I go away and do something else and relax. The subconscious will work on it for you. It never fails*.

Sausages
I have to block out thoughts sometimes and I always rely on an image of over cooked sausages, so when faced with a temptation I think of a Cumberland Ring. I should really see someone about that…

That’s Me That is
Spen ‘Part Klingon Part InterWebGuruWarrior' took this picture this week for the new site. I suppose I have to face the fact that my face is a bomb ruin and should apply to the UN for a regeneration grant. I think once the building work is done I’ll plant some shrubs I can hide my nose behind.


Tune Next Blog
For the completed sketch, what to do with all those ideas, and some Pyrate-Penguin-Banditos-Ruby-MiXing…

Random word: Judder

*If it doesn't work then I go to the bottom of the garden and have a chat with the Random Pixies

The Award Awards

Well met by moonlight, for a fish

Works under consideration: 4
Dark Angel: Tearing
Pyrates: Erm?
Banditos: Erm?
Penguins: Erm?
Nominations: 1
State of Mind: Cigarettes, coffee, red wine NOW!
Comedy Writing WordMix: Glug, satin, Bavarian tea, sloppy Jo American Mall dreams – random - HipHopHa!

The Nomination
A big clappy to Agent ‘G’ for the nomination for the ‘Blogger Choice Award‘ Best Humor Blog. Bloody Americans can’t spell. Can ‘U?’

Of course I wear my blog lightly and I have a lot of key-strokes to thank for this honour.

Do you want to help? I will of course put no emotional pressure on you to vote for my humble random tapings, but my grey haired old Mum and my ailing kitten will be very grateful.

Pop Along…
To the Blogger Choice site register (it takes a nano-moment-nothing,-but-joy-you-will-feel) and vote for this surreal prison I’ve been sentenced to…

‘I thank you.’

Comedy Writing Gods
Gene Perret.
I’ve mentioned him before and I’ll mention him again because after years of waiting I’ve tracked down a copy of ‘Comedy Writing Workbook.’ I have another of his books from which gems were given. There are two ways to learn about comedy. One is write it. O’ there isn’t a two. Well if no one is giving you the opportunity get this book.. Good American (BTW I found it on Amazon Market Place).

Top 25
I’ve done lots of Gene’s exercises and always learned from them and the first ‘Workout’ of this book is to find your favourite 25 gags. Well I like gags but what I really like is absurd story stuff. So when I come (again) to do this exercise Eddie Izzard will be right at the top and I’m only going to choose one ‘riff’’ – Pavlov’s Cats (Ring bell, dogs, food, salivating, remember?).

‘Cake or death?’*

Well it’s the performance you see and you can see it here >>>

But it can be summed up with like this:

DAY 1
Rang bell - cats answered the door.

DAY 2
Rang bell - cats said they had eaten earlier.

DAY 3
Cats stole the battery.

DAY 4
Cat rang the bell, I ate the food.

Watch it. It's only 2 mins...

The Awards Awards Ceremony
A ceremony for giving out the best Awards for Awards including slipping out of your dress at an inopportune moment, tear-duct surgery, masked self-effacement, I’m pissed and I don’t care, I’ll thank everyone even though I did it all my self, tripping on the step and passing it off as high emotions. And of course Best Performance by Hair Below the Knee, Blinking in Moonlight Supporting Role, Best use of a No Talent Fecker' at a Charity Comedy Event and of course The British Film Academy's Award Fellowship Award for not Dying and for…

FLISH-FLICK, FLISH-FLICK, FLISH-FLICK, FLISH-FLICK,

Excuse me a moment. Just read amongst yourselves. I hear a strange noi…

FLISH-FLICK, FLISH-FLICK,

There it is again.

What an…

GRANITE: (V.O.)
BELIKE!

CWiW:
Bugger. There’re back!

CAPTAIN NICE: (V.O.)
Avast JimKin!

CWiW:
I thought I’d got rid of you. Where’ve you been?

THE PYRATES: CAPTAIN NICE, GRANITE, AND WOODY SWING THROUGH THE OPEN DINNING ROOM WINDOW AND SLIDE ACROSS THE WHITE OAK FLOOR. THEY COME TO AN ABSURD CARTOON HALT AT HIS FEET. THEY PICK THEMSELVES UP

GRANITE:
We be back from Kanada! We fought Turk Barbers, sold the soles of our boots, and raided many a Subway for 12 INCHERS!

WOODY: (Hiccupping)
Belike!

CAPTAIN NICE:
Canada is spelt with a ‘C’ Granite.

GRANITE:
A thousand-fawning-pardons!

CAPTAIN NICE:
We have treasure!

WOODY:
Sharon!

ALL:
Shut up about that bloody fish!

CAPTAIN NICE:
See!

CAPTAIN NICE THROWS DOWN A SACK AND OUT SPILLS ASSORTED FLORAL TUPPERWARE

CWiW:
Get the feck’ out of my blog.

CAPTAIN NICE:
But, but, but…

WOODY:
Sharon! Moonlight on your fins!

GRANITE:
It be TREASURE!

CAPTAIN NICE:
Quite right. It is treasure.

CWiW
It’s very fine Tupperware, which although tasteful IS NOT IN SHORT SUPPLY

WOODY SHAKEN OUT OF HIS DRINK INDUCED FISH LOVE MADNESS HOPS ON ONE PEG LEG INTO THE CWiW LOUNGE

CAPTAIN NICE:
Are you sure?

CWiW:
Look you’re late nineteenth century Pyrates blasted into the present day…

CAPTAIN NICE & GRANITE:
There was a great…

CWiW:
Storm. Yes I know. Treasure is gold, gems, Jade. Doubloons...

WOODY:(V.O.)
And Love.

CWiW:
Yes Woody. Love is real treasure.

CAPTAIN NICE:
Well it was an honest mistake. What do you suggest we do with it?

CWiW:
Erm. How about a picnic.

PYRATES ALL:
A PICNIC! Hurrah! Hurrah! Thrice HURRAH!

THE PYRATES EXIT THE CWiW RESIDENCE WITH THE HELP OF SOME ROPES AND A SMALL MONKEY

- END -


Tune into the next blog
I award myself an award for not having an award AWARD. This will be presented by Princess Anne astride the Scottish Rugby Union Pack – “Pounde!”
Several cats will be sent out to spy on their owners and Jeffery Archer will choke on his own magnificence. And the pyrates tell the story of when they attended the Pyrate of the Year Award sponsored by 'Belike Paving.'


* Courtesy of Mr Izzard

4Laughs Competitions and an Occasional Table

Works under consideration: 5
Facebook Friends: 18
Cigarettes Adored: 12
Improper Thoughts: [RESTRICTED]

Entered the 4Laughs regular competitions for the first time. Their site is down so I don’t even know if it’s been accepted. If only you could switch to Internet ‘b.’

On Topical Humour
I find it sooo difficult. If you are faced with putting a funny caption to a picture you have two choices a) You are Paul Merton and therefore you are close to genius b) you sit down and generate as many alternatives as possible and something will turn up. You just get your mind in the right grove and PRACTICE. Check out a comedy ‘Pro’ called Gene Perret and his book ‘Comedy Writing.’ He’s the only guy writing about comedy who is worth reading. To sum it up you learn to roll two disparate ideas together in your mind (without scratching) and something funny will pop out.

Occasional Table
Well I call her Danni*.

Up Coming
Being creative. How to find ideas

Pop! Pop!

*Superglue + forehead+ taking a bow = an occasional table