Pleasure Warnings and Ben Elton

Works under consideration: 3
Dark Angels in my Heart: 1
Films to write: 1
Life is too short*: For Cycle Helmets

I’ve decided to have my head fitted with an airbag and have it set to go off every time someone does one of the following:

Mentions Ben Elton
The answer is always: “No not Ben Elton, never Ben Elton. If I was given a choice between a duck and Ben Elton, eat Ben Elton.”
When trapped in a room with a Lion, a fretful Anaconda, and Ben Elton and you have a 9mm Glock 19 Pistol with two bullets left…shoot Ben Elton twice.

“BOOMHHHHHISSSSS!”

Top 100 Cinema Peggings Performed by a Chimp
A TV show with a series of talking airbags tell you what’s good and what they like…

“BOOMHHHHHISSSSS!”

Someone says "Does this top go with these shoes?"
I like to say “They don’t go with Southern England.”

“BOOMHHHHHISSSSS!”

Now A Pleasure Warning
Well we have Health & Safety warnings for everything else. What would a pleasure warning sign look like? A blurred wrist with a large red cross through it and the legend ‘Move along nothing to enjoy here!’ Or ‘Achtung PLEASURE!’

*I’d rather say ‘Life is long enough to do what you want (including staying in bed between the ages of thirteen and twenty-three).’

I don't read the Bible
I don't trust disciple
Even if they're made of marble