Comedy Bump, Grind, and then BLAM!

"O' It's Tai Chi! I thought you'd all gone into reverse."**

Works under consideration: 24
Current Handicap: A mouse with low batteries*

Channel 4 4Laughs Comedy Site
Have been down for ages. They haven’t judged any competition I’ve entered since 10th October, hence I have lots of outstanding material in limbo. BUGGER!!!

I WILL NOW PLAY INTERPOL VERY LOUD!

My Mate Primate Sketch
Entered on Channel 4 Web site - 10th November
A 1950's Dad goes back in time to live with a group of Neanderthals
Do you ever write something and think it’s OK but only if I had more time? I would make it the bestSuperTingleinTheLoins-vibe. Well that’s what we have here. It’s OK but what would make it sing to the heavens?

I think a workshop.

Yep If I had some performers at the bottom of the garden, you know c’chillin’ with the Pixies (not the band) Could you imagine your Begonia dealing with ‘Wave of Mutilation?’ No too right give ‘em ‘Monkey Gone to Heaven’ that’s a BLOOMER!

There’s a lot that would come out with character, chorus, and timing work. Maybe it’s just me but I miss having fun with actors.

Here’s the sketch...

SCENE 1: EXT/DAY
SET: A WOODED GLADE

STANLEY SITS AMONGST A GROUP OF NEANDERTHALS. HE HOLDS A BONE TO HIS MOUTH

CLOSE UP ON NEANDERTHAL 1. HE IS TOSSING A LARGE STONE IN THE PALM OF HIS HAND. HE TURNS AROUND AND SPRINTS. HE THROWS THE STONE.

CUT TO:
NEANDERTHAL 2 HOLDING A LENGTH OF WOOD. THE STONE HITS HIM IN THE HEAD AND HE DROPS TO THE GROUND

STANLEY: (talking into his bone)
Welcome to another day’s play at Trent Bridge. Lancashire won the toss this morning and decided to hurl hard objects.

A QUIZZICAL NEANDERTHAL ‘REGINALD’ RAISES AN EYEBROW AT STANLEY’S USE OF HIS BONE. HE LOOKS AT HIS OWN BONE

STANLEY: (cont.)
The score is ticking over nicely. So it’s Squat Nose Benaud from the ‘Speared Dog’ End bowling to Huge Shoulders Cowdrey. The wicket not taking spear point this morning, hence the dog pinned to the tree…


REGINALD: (talking into his bone)
High Noon Stanley.

STANLEY:
Yes it’s very much a Gary Cooper moment Reginald.

REGINALD:
No Stanley. It is High Noon.

REGINALD STARTS TALKING INTO HIS BONE. ANOTHER NEANDERTHAL RAISES AN EYEBROW AT THIS ACTION

STANLEY:
You’re right Reggie. The teams will be breaking for Elk and ‘a slice of what you fancy’ sadly no ‘Chocolate all the way through’ just plain berries, congealed blood, and some burnt roots.

NEANDERTHAL 2 IS NOW STANDING AND ADJUSTING AN ANTLER TIED OVER HIS GROIN.

STANLEY: (cont.)
Here comes ‘Big Nose’ throwing over the wicket. Unorthodox action, very similar to Sonny Ramadin, in his prime.

S/FX: ‘THUNK’ OF STONE AGAINST A HEAD

STANLEY: (cont.)
Nose bowls a beamer, jolly long, past Shoulder’s shoulder and hit’s Elvis ‘Loose Hips’ smack on the forehead. Elvis continues, erm (sotto voce) defecating, not breaking his stride at all.

REGINALD:
‘Loose Hips’ only stops for the full moon and bears.

STANLEY:
And sometimes not the even the bears. ‘Big Nose’ covering the wicket as ‘Shoulders’ goes for another run. He’ll have to be quick, as ‘Little Knees’ Graham retrieves the ball and throws it…

S/FX: CROWD NOISE

STANLEY: (cont.)
And he’s in…

CUT TO:
ALL THE NEANDERTHALS SCREAMING INTO THEIR RESPECTIVE BONES

STANLEY: (cont.)
Controversial decision I feel but the Umpire is always right. Where would we be if we didn’t respect him?

THE NEANDERTHAL GROUP START CHANTING AND WAVING THEIR BONES IN UNISON

STANLEY: (cont.)
That’s right. Glasgow.

- END -



Tune Next Blog
And meet The Three Cats of the Apocalypse again. They’ve been conducting workshops in 'Cat Life Skills' You know ‘HOW TO GET THE EXACT FOOD REQUESTED with a single purrrr!'

Random word: Harpy


*Today we’ll be throwing frustrating bits of kit through the square window.

**There our two more versions of this caption see HERE for 1 x risque and 1 x accurate